Tinfoil hats — who you calling “fringe”?

MIT puts science to good use:


Among a fringe community of paranoids, aluminum helmets serve as the protective measure of choice against invasive radio signals. We investigate the efficacy of three aluminum helmet designs on a sample group of four individuals. Using a $250,000 network analyser, we find that although on average all helmets attenuate invasive radio frequencies in either directions (either emanating from an outside source, or emanating from the cranium of the subject), certain frequencies are in fact greatly amplified. These amplified frequencies coincide with radio bands reserved for government use according to the Federal Communication Commission (FCC). Statistical evidence suggests the use of helmets may in fact enhance the government’s invasive abilities. We speculate that the government may in fact have started the helmet craze for this reason.

By the way, this is why I have a problem with scientists: always pointing out problems, never solutions. Nevertheless, it’s important to keep asking. Here is the proper form of address when formulating a question for scientists.

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3 Comments

  1. Stearns says:

    Now you’re scaring me. Not the helmet thing, but the question for scientists. You’re hanging out with a weird set of dudes, dude. And you seem to be their strange leader! (Besides the scato-paranoid writing style, the reference to “bees” is a giveway.) If I recall, you were destined to keep that hated job about another two or three weeks, no?

    Regarding the helmet thing, it puts me in mind of all the weird stuff that we’re running into as we fight “the man” that’s trying to run a high-voltage powerline through my neighborhood. Ever since we started http://wiresafewisconsin.org/ we’ve been running into the weirdest scientific and political nonsense. Of course, it turns out most if it is absolutely true.

  2. John says:

    Hey, I didn’t write “A question for scientists”, although I wish I had, since I think it is the most brilliant thing anybody ever wrote. I forget how I first stumbled upon it.

    I have that memorized the way some people have memorized Monty Python skits. My wife and I, when we are in a pissy mood about the world in general, use the shorthand phrase “water rental truck!” That pretty much sums it up for me.

    Meanwhile I’ll look forward to some John/Gary style technoparanoia on power lines in an itf story soon.

  3. Harold says:

    Minor note to scientists. Government spectrum is managed by NTIA.

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