Maybe it’s just that I am sick of the endless talking head cycle. Maybe it’s because I’m stuck here in Chicago on my way to the National Conference on Media Reform due to “severe weather” in DC, but I have perhaps rashly indulged myself in a little fair use parody about the sorry coverage of the election. In particular, the endless speculating on what Hillary Clinton will do, when we can all just wait and find out.
What Will Hilary Clinton Do? TTO: What Would Brian Boytano Do from South Park the Movie, below . . . .
Title: What Will Hillary Clinton Do? by Harold Feld
Tune: What Would Brian Boytano Do?
[scene: montage of the South Park characters as cable news hosts all speculating in increasingly wild terms about what Hillary Clinton will do now and asking over an over “What will Hillary Clinton do” until, in good musical/South Park fashion, they burst into song]
Stan:
What will Hilary Clinton do
If she wins big today?
Will she bow out or follow through?
What will Hilary Clinton do?
Kyle
When Hilary Clinton was seen today somewhere outside Butte
What exactly did she signal with a charcoal gray pantsuite?
Cartman:
I shoved a mic in Clinton’s face at a rally in Pierre
To ask if she called Obama a black horse’s derriere!
Spoken:
Stan: “She really said that?”
Cartman: “Well, maybe not so much. Really it was more like ‘Hey! Fat boy! Get that microphone out of my cleavage or my secret service gaurds will kick you in the balls!’ But, I figured I’d double check because, you know, it would have been really damaging if she had said it.”
Kyle: “Dammit Cartman! You can’t just make something like that up.”
Kenny: MMMmmmmmm
Cartman: That’s right Kenny, Kyle doesn’t understand about reporting. I just asked if she said Obama was a black horse’s derriere. I didn’t say HILARY CLINTON had SAID THAT OBAMA WAS A BLACK HORSE’S DERRIERE. I just think she should have denied it rather than threatening to have me kicked in the balls.
Stan: And it would certainly have been very damaging if she had said it! Why won’t she deny it?
Cartman: Yes, lets talk about how damaging it is that she won’t deny that it would have been very damaging if she had actually called Obama a black horse’s derriere. I think it would offend the horse lover’s vote if she had said it, don’t you agree Kyle? Or do you think it would help Obama with PETA if they thought he looked like a horse’s—
Kyle: No! We are not going to talk about how damaging it would have been if Hillary Clinton had said something that we all know she didn’t say!
Cartman: Kyle, I swear, if Jews didn’t run the media you would be so out of a job.
Stan & Kyle: SHUT UP Cartman!
[resume singing]
Stan & Kyle:
What will Hillary Clinton do if she’s forced out today?
If she wins one state but can’t win two?
What will Hillary Clinton do?
Cartman:
I need innuendoes for TV
I need weasel words for my vocabulary
Kyle:
And I just want my Momma to stop cursing out Obama.
Stan:
Why bother with what is false or true
Just ask “what will Hilary Clinton do?”
All:
So lets keep on speculating
Talking heads or screaming blogs
Want rumors? We’ll unleash a few
On what might Hillary Clinton do
We call it news to bullshit over brew
Asking: “what will Hillary Clinton do?”
What will Hillary Clinton do?
Dude,
If South Park didn’t exist, God would have had to invent it. Or something. Here, I think you have nicely captured both the essence of South Park and the essence of television punditry.
I don’t watch TV myself, but I do catch bits and pieces of political coverage (and lots of South Park) on youtube. My own advice would be to not watch that stuff. You already do enough heroic work in your day job & Wetmachine reporting; there’s no need for you to have to suffer through David Brooks and Cokie on top of that.
Meanwhile, have you seen the latest FISA “compromise” in the works? Oy.