Alright already! So you're a fellow landsman who is getting all faklempt because your grandparents think that someone named “Barack” is a Moslem even though you keep pointing out to them that Israel had a Prime Minister named Barak and that the name also comes from the story of Deborah in the Book of Judges? And you have some free time over Columbus Day weekend? Mazel tov! Have I got a deal for you . . .

You need to join the Great Schlep. No, I'm not talking about taking the subway from Park Slope to Midtown! The Great Schlep is all about getting all the young Obama peshers to talk the Hilary altercockers by having them visit their grandparents in Florida (and elsewhere! You think you should forget your grandmother in Cleveland just because she didn't move to Miami with the rest of her Haddasah chapter? Shame on you!) to schmooze about Obama and how for a guy with a goyishe kop, he's really a mensch who isn't going to sell out Israel or turn your condo over to the schvartzes for reparations for “stuff I shouldn't even feel guilty about because we were in a schtetle in Odessa during slavery and believe me it was no picnic and besides your mother did all that marching back in the sixties so why is it my fault I'm asking.”

Will it really work? Nu, could it hurt? So the worst thing is you'll see your grandparents, who mentioned just last week that you never call or write and why do they have to go to something called “flashr” or “flickr” or something to see your picture when they haven't seen your face or heard your voice since your cousin Tiffany's bat mitzvah. It'll get you to visit Bocca when it isn't that meshuganah spring break or whatever where you do all that stuff I don't want to hear about or I would die of shame.

So go already.

Stay tuned . . . .